Reflections

For everything that happened, there is 2 sides to the story. After slightly more than a month in "exile", i shall offer my side of the story now that i can "see" and think with a more rational mind.

To the faithful readers of my blog, bear with me.

To whom i have mentioned, i meant no offence.

To whom(s) i have detested: Here is how it goes if you are reading.

Right from the beginning of our relationship back in Jan 2007, i promised to give you a better life after my final semester. To your friends who have seen or thought that i was a rich kid, i was never one. I vowed to provide for whatever you needed, from the financial freedom right down to all the tiny good things in the world. Now, i wished that we could live the kind of quality life we had from the beginning, even if it means having 20 bucks in my bank for the whole month. At least, we enjoyed each other company living the simple life.

After knowing that i only graduated with a Pass with Merit, job hunting was the biggest problem i faced. Fearing not being able to secure a good paying job to keep my promises, alongside with the pressure i was facing from my family, i had little choice but to take up the next best available job offer which i am currently in now, running alternating day and night shifts. It was never my ideal to run shifts, knowing the fact that i will lose precious time spent with you, but i had little or no choice.

You complained that I am always tired, but have you wondered why? So that I can provide for what you need to live in comfort. If i had to work overtime, it was for you.

You said I threw cash at you. Why? I believe what i have said earlier should suffice. To provide for you.

Barely 2 weeks after I started my job, you fractured your ankle. That night you went to operate, i felt so useless and helpless that there was nothing i can do to alleviate all the pain you went through. After you were wheeled into the operating theatre,i went home and cried for the first time in so long. Again, i vowed to do whatever it takes to nurse you back to shape in the shortest time possible, so that you have a fighting chance to compete in Cheerobics 2008, something which you had so much anticipated for that i will not allow your ankle to set you behind the rest of your peers.

For the next month pushed my physical and mental limits, from having to ferry you to and fro school, sleep late at night to search for what is the fastest way you can recover for a comeback, carry you up the 4 level of stairs and so on. The list is never ending, i went through hell to see you walk again, train again, put you above your training peers. I know my efforts are not in vain to have you competing alongside with me in Cheerobics 2008, my best competition and performance i had with Aces. You proved to the world how strong you were, including your mum who went down to see you perform. At that moment in time, I was so proud to have you.

All these while, i sensed nothing wrong with our relationship. I thought it was at the peak but... ...

As i was looking forward to our japan trip, my company's last minute arrangement to send me to US for training was never my choice. It was my biggest chance to move on in my career after 4 months of intensive cheerobics training. How silly was I to fight for a place in the japan team, even if it meant quarrelling with Ian and Weicheng. In the end, i lost my position in the competition team. Well, i thought all is not lost, at least we can still spend together overseas, a short holiday to reward ourselves after all the hardwork.

I flew to US on May 11. I might have bought all the branded things for you, not because i think you are the spoiled girl that whats this and that, but because i just wanted you to look good. It never crossed my mind that you were that spoiled girl who only wanted Ben & Jerry ice cream or only wanted to have sashimi for supper.
1 week into US, i sensed things started to go amiss.

"What would you do if you knew that someone was after me? Will you fight back?"

I dunnoe if i answered correctly, my readers: judge for me
"If its time to let go, i will let you go."

You hinted me, but yet refused to tell me anything.

"I don't want you to suffer all these alone overseas, I will wait for you to come back and decide after we come back from Japan. Now I just want to concentrate on the Japan competition."

I had little choice but to find out what happened. It just sucks big time, knowing that the culprit was someone whom i had LEAST and LAST expected.

You dropped the first bomb while i was transiting in Korea. You went back on your word. I tried to take it in my stride, thinking that i still have a trip to japan to salvage it. You dropped the second and biggest bomb in the entire episode that night we flew to japan. To see you donning that brown jacket, you had sentenced me to death. I wished i could just turn back and head home at that very point of time, but i felt i had to repay the team for what she has allowed me to achieve. I wanted to display my professionalism as a cheerleader, not a loser to a failed relationship. For that, I endured 4 days of ordeal, even if it means breaking my wrist to compete, i will compete no matter what.

I finally released all that vented feelings i have tried to hold on so tightly, but i could not help it but just keep drinking and be like a fool in front of the team. I needed an outlet, the pressure building within me was too overwhelming. It did not help that you came to speak to me outside the dining area. You made it worse.

"Will it make you feel better if me and him are just friends?"

After displaying everything, what are you trying to prove? That you two are together but not official? Save it. I dun need you to tell me that, cos actions speaks way much louder than words. I can't wait to go back to SG.

For the month of June, i bury my woes in work. I had a choice, but I chose to work 11 days straight to try and numb myself.

The drinking session at Boulevard on 6 June : I was the organiser. Naturally, I left Jimmy out. In fact, they informed me that you guys were there already and had suggested to change a venue. I thought: why should i make things inconvenient for me when i have done nothing wrong and i am out to enjoy myself. I wanted to see what is it like for Boulevard to be "crime scene". I told them to stay put, i am not moving anywhere else.

Lets get this clear : They did not leave you out because of what you did to me, but because of what you did to them. Reflect.

At the end of it all, I hope you have found your happiness, while i have found mine in much greener pastures.

My tag board is free for all, you dun have to reserve your comments about how I felt about this entire episode. Its ok. Time to move on.

I will end here with this song which i find it so hard to post but nevertheless, there you go.



We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby