Saturday May 31, 2008

Its been a few days since my last entry. It’s the first day of the Cheerleading Asia International Open (CAIO), though most of the team was contented with a 4th position, which is just behind US Tigers, there has been so much drama, so much upsets, seriously I had wished I had not come for this trip.

I mentioned that I had to be strong, but since Monday after my last entry, things started to take a twist. I went for my ONE and only training for the competition after hybrid was injured. This time, I was competing for a total reason. I keep telling myself to be professional, to be an ACES cheerleader for the last time in the international arena. But upon arrival at the training ground, I just didn’t feel good. Seeing the 2 of them being so close just makes me feel awkward. But that was not the end yet. At the airport, I just had to give my seat to that guy whom I had lost my respects for, the guy whom I lost her to. If you were in my shoes, what would you have done?

Friday 30th, the team went to Harajuku for shopping. I purposely avoided the 2 of them, just hoping that I will not see anything unpleasant to my eyes. But somehow, I just had to be the one to see it first. They were already holding hands. Honestly, I was devastated. It has only been 4 days since we broke up, 4 days since I returned from US. All the promises of not getting into another relationship in the near future was just rubbish. I just had to hate myself for coming to japan.

This morning, I twisted my wrist while warming up for the competition. The physical pain was bearable, but the psychological pain was not. I really couldn’t hold back my tears and I just cried. Competition in 6hrs time, I twisted my wrist cos I lost my concentration. What the fuck I was thinking about. No choice, I just had to tape up my wrist and endure all the pain I was suffering. I needed to focus. Then again, while warming up at the arena, I further aggravated the injury. She came to ask me how I was, I just turned away. She must have felt my hostility, but I just didn’t want her to come close. I was just too disappointed in the relationship, for how much effort I had put in to maintain, it only took days for me to lose her. How the hell was I going to concentrate during the competition.

Gathering all that I had, my team performed the routine with all stunts up. The feeling was good at first, but the pain set in again after I left the arena. Fortunately enough, the first aider who attended to me wrapped my wrist so well it minimized any horizontal movement. I still needed ice to bring the swelling down.

We were about to leave the stadium after doing some cheerleading shopping. I had bought some cute little things I promised to buy for her. I really dunnoe if I am treating her as a rebound, but I really felt so comfy with her in US, I noticed too many similarities between us. Age doesn’t matter to me. I guess time will tell.

Drama unfolded immediately. The ruthless couple was at quarreling again. They just stormed out of the stadium, without giving regards to our guide, Naoko. Our team must have given her so much trouble, but yet she has been so much help to the team. I really admire her patience for us. Thank you Naoko.

The team management wanted to replace me without consulting me. This time, the team was on my side. Truly grateful to ZM and Spencer, who voiced out before I could even think of what I was going to do. I thought if I was substituted, I will just grab the next available flight back to SG. I dun want to suffer in Japan anymore.

I guess I just have to continue grinning my teeth for the 2nd league of the competition tml. I need to prove to the rest of the team I am still up for the job though I was in pain. That’s what professionalism is about. I am disappointed with some people, but I did not want to disappoint the team. ACES, jiayou k? We can still beat US. Have faith.

Right now, I just want to complete this journey with ACES, get back to SG, and lead my own life for the time being. I need a break from all these shit. See you guys back in SG.

Labels : CAIO, upset