HO is just round the corner. I have decided to join the all star performance, though I am unsure if i regret my decision, we just see what happens during the training and performance.

Hall 4 has been doing pretty well all these while. Those little bunch of kids just remind how livly hall life can be. I really really miss those days back in hall 4. I will look forward to Jan 14 where they will not disappoint star and me. Put up your best and beat the rest!

2 continuous saturdays of being a "brother", my senior was the day before and my good fishingkaki is next week. Tough week ahead but I will hang on. Persevere.

Visited the acupuncturist last week due to a real bad back sprain which left me limping with an arc-back for 5 days. Told her I was in cheerleading, and she said
"oh, there was this girl who visited me 2-3 days ago, also from NTU". What a stupid coincidence.

On a side note,

Fine. So what was said is just pure rubbish. It took me 3 months to find out. How great.

Painful Xmas

I always remind others to warm up properly before gymnastics lesson, but yet I forgot to do so for my own. Serve me right, for I felt the slight twitch on my back immediately after my first roundoff. But that din stop me to perfect my ROBT, with a heavy price to pay -> Having to walk around in company with a funny posture, can't sit nor stand too long. Arsehole. Bet I am out for at least a week to recuperate. Darn. Still pondering if I should make a visit to the chinese doctor.

With the festive season approaching, I am still unsure if I am looking forward to it. Its only certain that the week is gonna be super hectic, with hall trgs,work and a wedding to attend. What a way to spend the Xmas.

All I want for Xmas is...........

Early Xmas Present

Got an early Xmas present from my Shifu, none other than Star Liu.



Really miss those days back in hall when the 2 of us just watch cheerleading videos though the night. We never knew what we saw then would become a reality, that Star will even make a "skill tape" for me. Haha.

Too all aspiring cheerleaders, impossible is nothing. Put your dreams to reality, train with a focused mind, and one day it will come true. I never thought I could be what I am now 2 years ago. You can too...Train hard!

101 Whys

How many times have you been pressured to do something against what you really want to?
What does it take to really break out of your comfort zone and achieve what you want?
Who are these people affecting your decisions?
Why are we reaching this way?

I am leaving it to you, because I myself cannot assure what I really want. What I have achieved are just the tangible goals. I want is something everlasting, something which I know I will not be able to do ten years down the road.

A $10 investment

I have always talked about who is the most all-rounded cheerleader(in singapore that is). In terms of gymnastics, partner stunting and professionalism.

Recently, I was very motivated after watching the Kentucky Documentry on the 2007 team. I am amazed at their 'never say cannot' attitude. No matter how unstable the stunt was, the amount of sheer determination and strength used to force the stunt back to continue the routine was just awesome. A highly recommended documentry for all cheerleaders, the 6 episodes will definitely push you to think. Are you really good enough? Are you as strong? Next time when you stunt, just think of "Kentucky". You will understand after you watch the documentry.

On a side note: After almost 2 years, I finally sense it. Thanks to Star and XP for the stupid psycho-ing. Otherwise I would not have even tried it that day.

Weak

It is at times like today that made me feel so weak.

Mentally weak,physically weak, emotionally weak....argh.

Just what does it take to get myself out of this.

Get me out of this sickening place.

命硬

First of all, song of the week. I'm going to learn this song, even though my canto sux.



Finally, the external audit is over, and to think of it, its already November. I think its really time to move on. Its getting stagnant here. I need a new environment. I need a new leash of life. Haha. Sorry Benny.

On a lighter note, it was a gathering of the "giants" at Graham's birthday party. Damn ULU place I must say. So what can we expect at a cheerleader birthday party? Stunts of course. I dun think there are pics but everyone had fun. I sat on the cake(dammit) and xw stepped into the drain. wat a joke.

Next up, 30 November. See you all there @ Ulu Pandan.

Spam

My shoulder, my back and my knees........ouch. I need to make a trip to the sinseh soon.

I guess I am totally weighed down by my work. Somehow its doesn't make sense when the economic is undergoing a downtown, yet workload is increasing exponentially. The only link is that they(the company) are using the same number of headcount to do more work due to the ramp up. Sux. Can't wait till March'09 for my biggest fishing trip ever. Come March, I can't wait.

Cheerleading.

Its really back to basics for the past 1.5 months. Physical conditioning that it. it does help when people say,"Hey, you got no more tummy!" At least its comforting enough to hear that.

Hey Andra, when rematch? I'm ready for you this time... haha

Blading kills

Well, I guess I shan't be bothered with anonymous postings or peeps with a myopic point of view.

I still have a great week ahead of me, though a raging week of war just past. Haha.

Its been ages since I last bladed, perhaps almost 1 year ago?

4 hours. I bladed for 4 whole hours, covered almost the whole of ECP. Thanks to babes agnes and ruth, who kept laughing at me, which also kept me going non-stop.
The result = 2 bruises, aching muscles,multiple abrasions and a torn groin muscle(i think so, even ruth said i was walking abnormally while shopping).

Pics!

Wasabi Fillet-O-Fish rox!


Bedok Jetty

Jimmy Gets High Tonight...

A long awaited post finally. Its been 4 months, and all of us are trying to move on. However, I think our jackass friend is still hiding in his rat hole, trying to avoid things that come in your way.

There is no denial, this is a personal attack, and yes, I am referring to you, Jimmy.

Some kind of friend you are, for all the things you have done, no wonder you are being ISOLATED. The world can have eyes to judge for themselves, and they are all correct in their judgement.

You like to take advantage when some girl's partner is overseas, yet you do not dare to admit that you did it. COWARD. One word sums it all up.

You like to take advantage when some girl is tipsy, DESPICABLE. Another word for you.

On quitting cheerobics team? Just because you dun dare to face the rest of the team, knowing that one day they will know the truth? Makes me wonder that where has all the pride and integrity that the SAF has instilled in you. I am ashamed to admit that I have such a useless fellow officer, and a regular to aggravate it even further.

I think I do not need to go any further, its just a waste of my time. If YOU are reading this, I have achieved my aim. HAHA.

Oh, reminds me of the song, "Jimmy Gets High tonight", are you?

Tennis

I guess it must have been at least 1.5 years since I last touched my racket. Even the grip has started to fall apart but I guess I did not lose my touch...haha. Though I have been playing tennis since like Pri 4, but my service still sucks. Need to improve on it.

Thanks for the invite for the tennis session today. Thoroughly enjoyed myself in that 2.5 hours. I had not felt so good in such a long while. Looking forward to the session next week!

Wars

What a monday it has been. I found myself debating against 3 directors during the meeting this morning. Outcome? I dun have to mention. Lost big time.

You cannot win a war alone. No matter how well prepared I was this morning, i still lost. Support was not there when I needed it to most, although many thanks bryan who stood out and tried to defend our dept, but in the end also got shot down. What a day. This is one of the downs of being in day shift, but i still enjoyed it. I just want to be in day shift for now, and maybe in normal shift in the near future. I need a normal lifestyle. Give it back to me!!!!

Transitions

Finally, after 4 gruelling months, I am going back to Day shift. Night shift really sux big time.

I guess i will be pretty busy with more trainings coming up in order to bring myself to another level in cheerleading. Though I always complain age is catching up on me, but i guess old is gold.

Some cupie updates:

Lost

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were cryin'

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
Then the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognize the girl you are today
And God I hope it's not too late
Mm, it's not too late

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to change
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly, fly, fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost

Its been such a hectic week with trainings, performance and work that I hardly have the time to sleep even. So glad its over, and the reward : A Guess watch. Not something I really fancy but well, it goes to my collection of watches anyway.

Life is tough enough, but what makes it even tougher is the decisions that I have to make. I'll leave out the details, for it will just bury me even deeper before I try to break out of it. How nice if I have a dice where I can faithfully follow it after it tells me what to do when I rolled it. To hell ya.

There are just too many things for me to blog, but I dun know where to begin with or how to start. Perhaps I should have just fall asleep while driving back home yesterday, crashed the car and get into a temporary coma, so I can relieve myself from the mental strain i am going through right now.

Let's see how I fight through this period. Kc no longer has the fighting spirit to go through it all anymore.

2 months

Perhaps I created this blog 2 months ago as a punching bag, to punch all my pain away. Looking back , it really amazes me how fast someone can turn against you. Because this is not a first for me, I guess I have learnt to manage it quite well. Yes, I admit that the initial stage is tough and slow, but once you are done with it, you soar like an eagle.

Its saddening to acknowledge the fact that I have lost 2 friends/teammates, but its more heartwrenching to know what they are going through now. I feel for you. I was never one who likes to bear grudges, even if there was, it is temporary. (Tell me I am wrong).

I hope we can be friends at least once again, let time decide how long it will take.

I have taken these 2 months to train up, and tried be a better person, though I know nothing I do now will change anything.

This is for you, something which we dreamt for so much not long ago.

Aces of Bases'82 Version 2

Isolation

What is is like to be in isolation? To be left out of a group everytime and asked to join in activities just for another agenda. I cannot imagine how miserable it is to live on like this.

The world does not revolve around yourself. What happened to your "friends" who were there for you when you needed them? Are they still around to provide you the genuine listening ear? How painful.

We do not have to rely on others, but we still need to have friends around. I have learnt it the hard way from my past. Never am I gonna let it repeat. I am glad I did not, yet I see others following my footsteps.

Well, since they choose this path, what can be done but let them continue to live on.
Is this called true happiness? Only they themselves know.

Liberty Tick Tock

Liberty Tick Tock, 2nd try


Went down for some last minute partner stunts training today. Some form of achievement, at least for me. XW watch it. I am catching up...haha

There is no failure except in no longer trying. Spare no resource.

It just gets better each time.

SHAPE Run 2008

Left Cupie by the Bay


Was invited to Ruth's convocation to take some graduation pics. Not very adventurous due to no spotters around. But nevertheless, manage to get shoot a few very nice pics.

Singapore First full Convo Cupie?


Unglam Heel Stretch...


Anyways, thanks Ruth for the invite to take these pictures, especially when its just outside Nanyang Audit... Damn AA la...

And yes! Finally i extended my driving boundaries to JB! Everything is like damn cheap over there la... Food, petrol, movies etc etc... Gonna explore more of JB, dig out the food hotspots. First food on the list will be BAK KUT TEH! Already got a few places recommended by colleagues and i am going to hunt them down this week to see if there are really good. Will post pics again.

Till then, adieus...

The 5 Cs

Every chick knows how hard it is when she puts in serious time with a guy who refuses to commit ... until he moves on to his next girlfriend, and then suddenly, he's springing for a rock. Women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he's compatible with, i.e., The One. But that's not enough to push him over the edge, according to clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Men Could Talk. What, then, does it take?

"Being ready," says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it's 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit." That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he's not in a marriage mind-set yet, he's not going to commit to anyone ... not even Gisele.

In fact, 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.

"Of course, even if a guy is ready to walk down the aisle, he still needs to find the right person," says Gratch. "But he is more likely to meet her once he's in that marrying state of mind." To help us figure it all out, we asked Gratch to explain. Here, he divulges the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge.



COMMITMENT FACTOR #1

The Capacity to Love

No matter how head-over-heels your guy is during the initial honeymoon period of the relationship, it doesn't mean he is ready to commit. A man might fall in love, which requires the capacity to idealize. That means thinking and feeling like his partner and the relationship are uniquely special, enabling him to ignore imperfections, which, in turn, makes him feel valued and special.

Loving, on the other hand, involves connecting with the other person, understanding her, and wanting to be with her for who she is, not who he'd like her to be.

While it might be difficult to decipher the difference between the two, one clue is the test of time. Falling in love happens early on in a relationship, when a couple barely knows each other. Once they become more intimate and learn more about each other's positive and negative traits and the initial love buzz is gone, a man who is only in love will lose interest. If he truly loves, he'll stay.

Another major telltale sign of real love is selflessness and the ability to care. Does your man make sacrifices for you? Is he able to put your wants and needs before his? Relationships are all about give and take, but love is more about giving.



COMMITMENT FACTOR #2

Being Able to Accept Imperfection

Intellectually, we all know that there are no perfect people and, therefore, no perfect relationships. But it often takes maturity and dating experience to actually believe it.

Take a client of mine, who broke up with a wonderful woman simply because he thought he could do better. A year later, he met someone else, who was also great but far from perfect. After two years of dating, he decided to propose. If he had met her a few years earlier, he would have broken up with her too. But now, he realizes that this is as good as it gets, though it took him several relationships to finally understand that.

Having unrealistic expectations makes it impossible for a man to develop a close bond. If a guy who isn't ready starts getting too close to a woman, he'll look for imperfections, either consciously or subconsciously, to create distance between them and, ultimately, to give him a reason to break up with her.



COMMITMENT FACTOR #3

He Truly Believes in Commitment

Even if a man tells you that he's in it for the long term, you won't really know the level of his staying power until you hit some rough patches. If he's not ready, he won't be able to handle the negative aspects of a relationship, and he'll either shut down — and shut you out — or bail. A man who is truly ready to bond will be willing to work with you to try to resolve whatever problems the two of you are having.

This doesn't mean that he'll never experience any doubts or even think about leaving. But at the end of the day, he'll realize that his relationship is a top priority, and whatever discomfort he might have to endure to work out the kinks is worth it. It's a trade-off he's willing to make.



COMMITMENT FACTOR #4

He's Sure He Can Be the Man

Even though stereotypical gender roles have loosened up and many men are no longer required to be the breadwinners, a lot of guys still worry, deep down, that they should be ... and a lot of women still expect it. So if a guy feels that he can't live up to his — or his partner's — expectations, he might put off getting seriously involved to avoid feeling like he's not capable. It's a way for him to protect his ego.

According to the National Marriage Project, 47 percent of men agree that they wouldn't want to get married until they could afford to own a home, and 40 percent would want to be able to afford a nice wedding.

But it's not just the money — or lack thereof — that will cause a guy to shy away from commitment. If a guy is putting all of his time and energy into pursuing a goal, whether it's climbing the corporate ladder or working toward finishing medical school, he just won't have anything left to give to a partner, both physically and emotionally. So he puts romance on the back burner.

Now that's not to say he will never want to pop the question. If your man is floundering careerwise or struggling to make ends meet, it might be in your interest to bide your time and wait for him to become ready. Of course, it depends on the dynamic between the two of you. But if he seems fully engaged in the relationship, clearly states that he wants to get married after he accomplishes whatever goal he has been working on, and his time frame is reasonable, your patience could eventually pay off.



COMMITMENT FACTOR #5

He's Tired of Playing Around

While there's no specific age at which men are ready to marry (nor do they all mature at the same rate), after a while, going from one superficial relationship to another begins to lose its allure, and they crave a deeper kind of bond with someone.

This more intimate mind-set may be expedited if all the guy's friends are starting to settle down. For one thing, it becomes harder for him to find buddies to party with. But more important, with everyone around him getting more serious about their relationships, he's more likely to reflect on what he wants in life. Though bachelorhood can be fun and exciting, it's often emotionally unfulfilling. And ultimately, at some point, most men want to have that soul-mate connection.

MythBuster

For those who have been watching Discovery Channel, i think i can be one of those mythbusters.

As much as I would like to wear my usual jeans and polo T to St James today, XW asked me to wear something more formal to compliment him. So i said why not, perhaps try something more mature, like polo T and pants with leather shoes.

I was on my way home after sending Yod back to hall, when i realised who gave me this pair of Pedro shoes last year for my birthday. At that time, i recalled someone telling us, "You should not buy shoes for someone you love, for he shall walk out of you." I just laughed the joke off.

One year on, as i took the pair of shoes of my feet, i gave myself a good laugh. Not only have I busted a myth, but the myth has reversed as well.

So, beware when your loved ones give you a pair of shoes, cos he/she will walk out of you 1 day.

Cheers!

25 to 26

Just pass a quarter of a century. Feeling the oldness in me. Lets recap my accolades/highlights while i was 25.

1) Graduate from NTU after 4 years of suffering. (July 2007)
2) Landed myself a good paying job. (August 2007)
3) Bangkok Fishing Trip (January 2008)
4) Cheerobics 2008 Champions(March 2008)
5) Singapore First Pop Over (April 2008)
6) USA Training (May 2008)
7) Ownership of Car (May 2008)
8) Cheerleading Asia International Open(CAIO), Tokyo (June 2008)

And the best thing that ever happened to me this year : Freedom

With that, I look forward to achieve many more this year. Let the transformation begin.

PS: Thanks to XWs, Kah Weng, Qinghui and others who have given me your well wishes.

Reflections

For everything that happened, there is 2 sides to the story. After slightly more than a month in "exile", i shall offer my side of the story now that i can "see" and think with a more rational mind.

To the faithful readers of my blog, bear with me.

To whom i have mentioned, i meant no offence.

To whom(s) i have detested: Here is how it goes if you are reading.

Right from the beginning of our relationship back in Jan 2007, i promised to give you a better life after my final semester. To your friends who have seen or thought that i was a rich kid, i was never one. I vowed to provide for whatever you needed, from the financial freedom right down to all the tiny good things in the world. Now, i wished that we could live the kind of quality life we had from the beginning, even if it means having 20 bucks in my bank for the whole month. At least, we enjoyed each other company living the simple life.

After knowing that i only graduated with a Pass with Merit, job hunting was the biggest problem i faced. Fearing not being able to secure a good paying job to keep my promises, alongside with the pressure i was facing from my family, i had little choice but to take up the next best available job offer which i am currently in now, running alternating day and night shifts. It was never my ideal to run shifts, knowing the fact that i will lose precious time spent with you, but i had little or no choice.

You complained that I am always tired, but have you wondered why? So that I can provide for what you need to live in comfort. If i had to work overtime, it was for you.

You said I threw cash at you. Why? I believe what i have said earlier should suffice. To provide for you.

Barely 2 weeks after I started my job, you fractured your ankle. That night you went to operate, i felt so useless and helpless that there was nothing i can do to alleviate all the pain you went through. After you were wheeled into the operating theatre,i went home and cried for the first time in so long. Again, i vowed to do whatever it takes to nurse you back to shape in the shortest time possible, so that you have a fighting chance to compete in Cheerobics 2008, something which you had so much anticipated for that i will not allow your ankle to set you behind the rest of your peers.

For the next month pushed my physical and mental limits, from having to ferry you to and fro school, sleep late at night to search for what is the fastest way you can recover for a comeback, carry you up the 4 level of stairs and so on. The list is never ending, i went through hell to see you walk again, train again, put you above your training peers. I know my efforts are not in vain to have you competing alongside with me in Cheerobics 2008, my best competition and performance i had with Aces. You proved to the world how strong you were, including your mum who went down to see you perform. At that moment in time, I was so proud to have you.

All these while, i sensed nothing wrong with our relationship. I thought it was at the peak but... ...

As i was looking forward to our japan trip, my company's last minute arrangement to send me to US for training was never my choice. It was my biggest chance to move on in my career after 4 months of intensive cheerobics training. How silly was I to fight for a place in the japan team, even if it meant quarrelling with Ian and Weicheng. In the end, i lost my position in the competition team. Well, i thought all is not lost, at least we can still spend together overseas, a short holiday to reward ourselves after all the hardwork.

I flew to US on May 11. I might have bought all the branded things for you, not because i think you are the spoiled girl that whats this and that, but because i just wanted you to look good. It never crossed my mind that you were that spoiled girl who only wanted Ben & Jerry ice cream or only wanted to have sashimi for supper.
1 week into US, i sensed things started to go amiss.

"What would you do if you knew that someone was after me? Will you fight back?"

I dunnoe if i answered correctly, my readers: judge for me
"If its time to let go, i will let you go."

You hinted me, but yet refused to tell me anything.

"I don't want you to suffer all these alone overseas, I will wait for you to come back and decide after we come back from Japan. Now I just want to concentrate on the Japan competition."

I had little choice but to find out what happened. It just sucks big time, knowing that the culprit was someone whom i had LEAST and LAST expected.

You dropped the first bomb while i was transiting in Korea. You went back on your word. I tried to take it in my stride, thinking that i still have a trip to japan to salvage it. You dropped the second and biggest bomb in the entire episode that night we flew to japan. To see you donning that brown jacket, you had sentenced me to death. I wished i could just turn back and head home at that very point of time, but i felt i had to repay the team for what she has allowed me to achieve. I wanted to display my professionalism as a cheerleader, not a loser to a failed relationship. For that, I endured 4 days of ordeal, even if it means breaking my wrist to compete, i will compete no matter what.

I finally released all that vented feelings i have tried to hold on so tightly, but i could not help it but just keep drinking and be like a fool in front of the team. I needed an outlet, the pressure building within me was too overwhelming. It did not help that you came to speak to me outside the dining area. You made it worse.

"Will it make you feel better if me and him are just friends?"

After displaying everything, what are you trying to prove? That you two are together but not official? Save it. I dun need you to tell me that, cos actions speaks way much louder than words. I can't wait to go back to SG.

For the month of June, i bury my woes in work. I had a choice, but I chose to work 11 days straight to try and numb myself.

The drinking session at Boulevard on 6 June : I was the organiser. Naturally, I left Jimmy out. In fact, they informed me that you guys were there already and had suggested to change a venue. I thought: why should i make things inconvenient for me when i have done nothing wrong and i am out to enjoy myself. I wanted to see what is it like for Boulevard to be "crime scene". I told them to stay put, i am not moving anywhere else.

Lets get this clear : They did not leave you out because of what you did to me, but because of what you did to them. Reflect.

At the end of it all, I hope you have found your happiness, while i have found mine in much greener pastures.

My tag board is free for all, you dun have to reserve your comments about how I felt about this entire episode. Its ok. Time to move on.

I will end here with this song which i find it so hard to post but nevertheless, there you go.



We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die
No!

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be apart of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be apart of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby

Lumbar Lodorsis

Been down for the past few days with a real BAD back sprain. First time ever it was so bad that i went for a xray and requested for a checkup by a specialist. Its been almost a week now yet the pain has not subsided, hopefully nothing goes wrong, else I will really have to retire from cheerleading.

It sux to be on MC, yet having to work from home, be on standby the past 3 nights lying on bed. Well, i guess thats working life, cannot avoid. Spencer, welcome to the working world and land of Godfathers... haha

Heard this classic song on the way to work today. Heard this song last week while playing mahjong, my friend told me this song was like damn popular back in the 80s/90s. I guess everyone has heard this song before.

How many times have we taken a step back and appreciate the little things around us? All it takes is just 1 wrong move to lose it. I am not trying to imply anything here but just a reminder to all : Appreciate the small things in life.

Feeling damn sucky. FUCK MAN! Dun ask me why.

Hoo...

How 'bout a round of applause
Yeah...
Standing ovation
Oohhhh... yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah...

You look so dumb right now
Standing outside my house
Trying to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out


Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Grab your clothes and get gone
You better hurry up before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like the re-run
Please, what else is on



And don't tell me you're sorry cause you lied
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

And the award for the best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be
Faithful to me
Lets hear your speech ohh

How about a round of applause
A standing ovation


But you put on quite a show
You really had me going
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertaining
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

But it's over now

A change of environment after almost 2 years. Seems like I have found a place to continue my passion, at my own pace, with the right peeps. High time to move on.

At least I proved to myself that i can left cupie more than ONE person, pop over more than ONE person. Ian, you are right. It was meant for someone else. I will continue to improve, and hopefully be many first.

Today, I met up with another group of cheerleaders. Noticing the way the train, though simple stunts, but i realised the biggest difference : To be objective driven, or passion driven. I think i belong to the latter. Its just so different when training with them. I loved it.

Here I come.

I heard another bomb today. Another colleague tendered. This leaves just my senior and me to run the department. Life ain't gonna easy like a bed of roses last year. Sometimes I really wonder if i should stay on. If my senior leaves, I can safely say that I am next in line to be promoted. Sounds good yeah? But on the other hand, I cannot stay in this line for too long, for i am missing out all the good things in life, things which I can enjoy doing.

It was a hell of a friday for me. After all the fire fighting last night on the production floor. All boss had to say was, "Why can't we hit the target? I thought....."

"I thought"..... See what that means. Miscommunication. I hate this word to the core. Shall not bore my readers with the details but for the working force, you know what i mean.

Totally lost my mood to do anything else today. Dammit. Its Friday night, and I am still fire fighting with my operators. How sian can it be?

Things are different this time round. Age, income, nationality. These will be the barriers to overcome. But as CQH says, dun care, just go for it. Perhaps at our age, there is nothing to be afraid of, or even, to be straight forward is the best. Movie on saturday, here i come.

In pain, but hopefully after pain comes pleasure.

Wow. It was a crazy weekend I must say.

1) Caught up with Munhong and Weida @ Carl Juniors. ( We all had double burgers!)
2) Went drinking with them.
3) Play a WHOLE day of Mahjong(and lost money.dammit)
4) Played ANOTHER night of Mahjong, I just love mahjong(lost money again)

Wrapping up the weekend, I had to start the MS Project course in office. I think I really lost my lecture stamina already. 1hr into the training, i already trying hard to keep myself awake.

But the highlight of the weekend was on monday(though its not a weekend but i considered it as a package cos all good things come together!), was the dinner with her. She was sick since we came back from US so i just asked her out for dinner after we conducted the training. We went to extension for the fish soup mee sua. Somehow, the mee sua never tasted so nice b4. I just wish time would stop there and we can just eat there forever,haha. Just a simple dinner, sent her home after that. Everything just felt so nice. Next up, ask her out for a movie or sing ktv. When? I dunnnoe, but will update you guys. Have to take it slow and steady. remember?

Really looking forward to date you out. Till then, pls take care of your throat k?

Yays! TGIF!!!

Finally I can have the weekend off to catch up with wateva I have missed out these 2 weeks. Meeting up with Munhong and gang, MJ session(i really miss mj, its been a month since i last played!). I think i need time to go fishing as well, cannot remember when was the last time i fished. Cannot wait to hear the reel SSSSCCCRRREEEAAAMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its really been a long 2 weeks for me, since i was back from japan. Working everyday has kept me real busy, trying to meet up with boss expectation. I hope i have performed much better than before, for i can fully focus on my work now.

Need to drop by malaysia one of these days as well. Prepared my passport already. hahaha

I really wish i can go taiwan with the devils peeps, but after consulting with my senior, i really have to say i cannot make it for the trip. My company really needs my support now, for alvin has tendered and MFG dept will be down to 4 engineers(or 2?) Never mind, devils, bring the skills back and show the rest what we are capable of!

For Devils!

TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY TRY


Its such a nice word.

Dammit, Taiwan is too tempting already. Should I go?

This year, I have been travelling quite a bit. Thailand in January, US in May, Japan in June and now, perhaps Taiwan in July? Can treat it as my birthday treat for myself...Lets see to it.

Its been a year of ups and downs, but I am definitely going to make it more UPS than downs. Challenge me.

My 11 days of work is finally coming to an end. Now its time to look forward to the end of the month(muahahaha). Big fat angbao! No treats though cos I slogged for it.

Its day 9 already. Usually I will be struggling to get up to work. But somehow I found even more meaning in coming to work. It pains to hear you telling me that you are sick, and that you are not coming to work tml. I guess I will just have to go back early.

But wait, more liang teh? Pondering if I should drop by tml morning and pass you the liang teh again. Hope it makes you feel better.

Looking forward to this weekend, after so many days of work. I need to chill out a little. Gonna meet Munhong and gang, so long never see them liao. St james again after that? sounds like a plan, but no driving for sure. haha

Today marks a good turn in everything. There's the liang teh, there's the chocolate sticks that I bought for you from japan and there's the trip home. Though its just a short ride to your place, time seems to have come to a standstill on the way.

Feels good, sounds good?

Its day 4 of work. Feeling lethargic, having only to sleep 4-5hrs before coming to work. I am just looking forward to tml night. How nice. Quality time though its only a couple of minutes. I will appreciate it. Trust me.

I dunnoe if i was asking for it, i was browsing through my msn history logfiles.

Changes are inevitable, but for something to change that fast indeed is surprising. The amount of lies involved, an endless list. Mid of week 1 was ok. Things started to turn bad in week 2, and awfully disastrous by end of week 2. Somehow, human nature cannot be fully understood, let alone human feelings. Was I asking for it? I dunnoe, though I was assured and continously re-assured all was well.

I shouldn't have too much free time. Free time = Idiotic thoughts.

Why?

Its been a fruitful week, though I have been working almost everyday. There is a sense of fulfilment, satisfaction. I am gonna rise up, nothing is gonna stop me. Benny, watch out. I am coming for your position.

Its Sunday night, and I am still at work. Just felt like blogging despite the ramp up this week, things are keeping me REAL busy. Its going to be another hectic week ahead but hey, I just look forward to coming to work everyday. Only a few know the real reason. I am not suffocating myself with work, its just time to create some visibility to my bosses.

Hey frens, live like there's no tml. ( No link here, but I like)

I really wonder how i made my way home last night. Amazing.

Manage to chance upon something disgusting, but I shan't mentioned it, cos i think the world noes.

I also din noe how my blog get around so fast, basket, dunnoe to thank or curse and swear at the person. You noe who u are, ASS...

Back to last night : Went to Boulevard. The place where it all happened. I guess I really had been too numb about everything. There was no pain at all. On the flip side, I just enjoyed myself, even though ALL of them went to play PS3 and left me alone on the cushion. Somehow, while I was alone, I sent out a few smses and got more than wat I wanted. I guess i found a certain kind of happiness already. I see the chance coming. I will not waste it.

St James was our next stop. Wow, some cool piece of shit it really is. The live band rocks. The graveyard rocks even more. Downed 2 flaming n graveyard. Sent the rest home. I dun even noe how i made my way to my bed safely. I guess this is the 1st and last time i be brushing the law. No more in future. Its not worth it.

I wanna thank ACES for bringing me so much joy over the past 2 years, esp to LXW for bringing me into the team.

I have achieved much over these 2 years, 2 cheerobics titles and 2 japan trips just to mention a few, but sad to say, i did not see myself leaving ACES on a sad note.

Though I am only a shoulderstand, but I treat my role with pride. I hope the next batch of juniors, whatever role you are, do it with pride, cos the pyramids will not form if there is 1 person less. Jiayou NTU ACES.

No one fully understand what I went through.

Why?
Cos I was dumped.

Why?
Cos I was dumped while overseas.

Why?
Cos I was dumped while overseas with no chance to salvage it.

Why?
Cos I was dumped while overseas with no chance to salvage it, and I had to go Japan with you.

Why?
Cos I was dumped while overseas with no chance to salvage it, and I had to go Japan with you, only to see you get together with my teammate.

Why?
Cos I was dumped while overseas with no chance to salvage it, and I had to go Japan with you, only to see you get together with my teammate, and you showed no compassion for me at ALL.

No one fully understands the amount of pain and anger I went through.

You will not "wallow in self pity", cos you are basking in happiness. I am on the flip side of you. I dun have someone to hold my hand and tell me everything is alright. As simple as that. As long you are happy, you do not have to care what I am going through. Cos you simply did NOT consider how I felt in Japan. All that you said were lies, and when I thought I could trust you for the last time, it unfolded in front of me the very next day. Your intention was just too clear.

For now, I cannot even convince myself whether we could still even be friends. Let time heal the deep wound within me, and let time decide what is best for you and me.

There you go.

Work / Hell

To hell with work, for I will work like hell. Argh.

Just got back from Japan.

Perhaps I was made to go through one of the most cruel time in my life. Having to face her with her new one for 5 days, to juggle between trainings and the competition.

I confess that I cried 3 times in 2 days, though it appears to others that I cried because I sustained injury to my wrist, but deep down in my heart, it was more of the mental than physical hurt that I can no longer endure.

Well, its over. I am back now, hoping this trip will make me a stronger person.

On a brighter note, we got 4th in the international category!(Just behind USA!!!) This trip was also another eye opener, having to meet so many other international cheerleaders, see stunts and pyramids never seen before. WOW... Sometimes I just wanna reconsider my retirement.

Wait a while, I will post the pics when I am done with the unpacking. nites.

Saturday May 31, 2008

Its been a few days since my last entry. It’s the first day of the Cheerleading Asia International Open (CAIO), though most of the team was contented with a 4th position, which is just behind US Tigers, there has been so much drama, so much upsets, seriously I had wished I had not come for this trip.

I mentioned that I had to be strong, but since Monday after my last entry, things started to take a twist. I went for my ONE and only training for the competition after hybrid was injured. This time, I was competing for a total reason. I keep telling myself to be professional, to be an ACES cheerleader for the last time in the international arena. But upon arrival at the training ground, I just didn’t feel good. Seeing the 2 of them being so close just makes me feel awkward. But that was not the end yet. At the airport, I just had to give my seat to that guy whom I had lost my respects for, the guy whom I lost her to. If you were in my shoes, what would you have done?

Friday 30th, the team went to Harajuku for shopping. I purposely avoided the 2 of them, just hoping that I will not see anything unpleasant to my eyes. But somehow, I just had to be the one to see it first. They were already holding hands. Honestly, I was devastated. It has only been 4 days since we broke up, 4 days since I returned from US. All the promises of not getting into another relationship in the near future was just rubbish. I just had to hate myself for coming to japan.

This morning, I twisted my wrist while warming up for the competition. The physical pain was bearable, but the psychological pain was not. I really couldn’t hold back my tears and I just cried. Competition in 6hrs time, I twisted my wrist cos I lost my concentration. What the fuck I was thinking about. No choice, I just had to tape up my wrist and endure all the pain I was suffering. I needed to focus. Then again, while warming up at the arena, I further aggravated the injury. She came to ask me how I was, I just turned away. She must have felt my hostility, but I just didn’t want her to come close. I was just too disappointed in the relationship, for how much effort I had put in to maintain, it only took days for me to lose her. How the hell was I going to concentrate during the competition.

Gathering all that I had, my team performed the routine with all stunts up. The feeling was good at first, but the pain set in again after I left the arena. Fortunately enough, the first aider who attended to me wrapped my wrist so well it minimized any horizontal movement. I still needed ice to bring the swelling down.

We were about to leave the stadium after doing some cheerleading shopping. I had bought some cute little things I promised to buy for her. I really dunnoe if I am treating her as a rebound, but I really felt so comfy with her in US, I noticed too many similarities between us. Age doesn’t matter to me. I guess time will tell.

Drama unfolded immediately. The ruthless couple was at quarreling again. They just stormed out of the stadium, without giving regards to our guide, Naoko. Our team must have given her so much trouble, but yet she has been so much help to the team. I really admire her patience for us. Thank you Naoko.

The team management wanted to replace me without consulting me. This time, the team was on my side. Truly grateful to ZM and Spencer, who voiced out before I could even think of what I was going to do. I thought if I was substituted, I will just grab the next available flight back to SG. I dun want to suffer in Japan anymore.

I guess I just have to continue grinning my teeth for the 2nd league of the competition tml. I need to prove to the rest of the team I am still up for the job though I was in pain. That’s what professionalism is about. I am disappointed with some people, but I did not want to disappoint the team. ACES, jiayou k? We can still beat US. Have faith.

Right now, I just want to complete this journey with ACES, get back to SG, and lead my own life for the time being. I need a break from all these shit. See you guys back in SG.

Labels : CAIO, upset

Looks good

I think you looked wonderful today, saw you dressed this way for the first time. i kinda liked it. Feels good to see you after 2 days since coming back from far away land.

Off to japan I go, will not be able to see ya for the next 6 days. I will rmb how you asked me to buy cute little things for you. Rest assured. I will buy lots of it. Shower you with it. I going to try. Accept or reject, doesn't matter. I will just try.

Age does not matter.

Thank you?

I do not need any thanks. There is nothing to thank me. Thank yourself for finding happiness. All the best.

I just hate it when people put this kinda things on their msn/blogs.

Morale of the team is low. What can be done to lift the morale? Sending out another demoralising sms does not help at all. There is always another medium to address the issue or if not, the tone of the sms.

Argh. Though it does not affect me, things haven changed since long time ago.

Btw, I wanna thank all those who shown concern to me : XW,CQH,Tingwei,MSW. Best friends forever.

Shit always happens

I guess there is a real lesson to be learnt. Hear it from the scholar(not me) :

DUN SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.

Aces of bases

One of my fave videos around

West Sacramento Training Trip 12 May- 26 May 2008:

Some crazy grocery Shopping at Walmart:



Biggie


Crazy shopping at Vacaville:


This is where i found my inspiration:


One of the many waterfalls @ Yosemite National Park

Brand new beginning

Hi folks,

If you had happen to chance upon my blog, welcome.

I just wanna mark a new start from whatever has happened to me.

Its 27 May 2008. Remember this day. Bygones shall be bygones, lets live on with it.

Come to think of it, there will be so many things I can finalloy indulge in : MJ, fishing,KTV cheerleading, la kopi-ing.......endless list. Furthermore, I have got my work to catch up with. Boss has been hinting me that I have not been doing very well lately. I myself is not sure what has happened. Well, I guess its really time to put focus on my career as a Manufacturing Engineer. Doesn't sound very good to many, but I do and will take pride in my work. Mark my words.

And yes, first time blogging. I must make effort to blog at least once a week. Just to pen down my thoughts.

Till we meet again